Sunday, November 15, 2009

"...for Jo loved a few persons very dearly and dreaded to have their affection lost or lessened in any way." -Little Women

""You've got me, anyhow. I'm not good for much, I know, but I'll stand by you, Jo, all the days of my life. Upon my word I will!" And Laurie meant what he said." -Little Women



“The worst thing one can do is not to try, to be aware of what one wants and not give in to it, to spend years in silent hurt wondering if something could have materialized - and never knowing”

whizzer; 12:30:00 am

Saturday, November 14, 2009

Week 33

i don't want to keep on hurting people i hold so dear. i keep wanting to change, but somehow just keep messing everything up. i don't know what to do anymore >.<

i really wanted to be contingent commander. or at least try for it. peer pressure is my downfall. and fear of rejection. and being scorned by others. that's not going to happen anymore. the feeling of regret after it is too unbearable.

i shall blog about taiwan r&r tmr. hopefully.

i'm going to run now. then come back and get dragged to see a shrink.


"We'll all grow up one day...We might as well know what we want." -Little Women

whizzer; 2:21:00 pm

Saturday, November 07, 2009

argh haven't found the time to post about taiwan r&r! maybe next weekend when i'm not out of the house so much.

first week of specialisation is over. quite a slack 3 days of attachment at STC. lots of interaction with people over there, which was fun. especially talking to our seniors who are there now. and sharing stories and jokes and stuff. and of course we learn stuff too. on a side note, supply vocationalists all seem to be very nice people haha. and like everyone knows everyone else. its like a supply family :)

went to lot 1 to meet kenneth fabz melvin after work yesterday. found them nerding in the library -.- so i borrowed a book along the way, "The Promise Of Happiness", which is quite interesting, but requires patience to read coz its a different style of writing. then we went for tea-ner/dinner at the food junction. listened to more nerd convo among the 3 of them. then we went to some bookshop where i bought 2 books. yay. then we walked to the mrt and kenneth and fabz left. then melvin and i walked around the basement a few times and chatted, then went to the ground level, were melvin was recognised by this NS man we spent a long time talking to during our integration exercise more than a month ago. had an interesting chat with him for a while, then walked around a bit more and left soon after. that was about 8pm. spent the rest of the night refining my personal statement and seeking advice from jul and mohandass. finally submitted it at 2am. FINALLY. its done.

woke up at 6 something this morning. rolled around bed a bit, then went downstairs and walked outside my estate to look for kenny who was coming to my house so that we could be driven to safti. brought him to my room to stone while i went to shower and change. meanwhile he played with my menagerie of stuffed animals on my bed haha. and found dino with his near dislocated head. had breakfast of nutella with bread and some kuehs and left for safti soon after. picked up kenneth and fabz along the way outside safti and walked to the uniform store from carpark i. haven't walked that route in a long long while. took a while to look for uniforms that fit/were clean/had no markings or studs on them, and eventually had to tailor a set of no. 1 still because none fit nicely. sigh. managed to find a nice set of no. 2 though. thereafter we walked out to joo koon and train-ed to city hall where we walked to marina square and had waraku. zhang was a joke as usual, chatting up the waitresses and making hilarious comments. zhang, wayne, melvin, kenneth, fabz, kenny, val, cheuks and me. the 9 of us. then we hung out a bit, looked around topshop and zara, wayne bought ice cream, chatted a bit, then cheuks, wayne, fabz (i think) and i left for the mrt to go home. choke slamming is the in thing now btw. cheuks wayne and i all live around the purple line haha. ok next.

got home, read a bit, did some work, filled in more scholarship applications, felt drowsy, watched some tv, watched Born To Sing 2007 video (PUNCH YAYYY) and couldn't help smiling throughout our J1 PUNCH performance. haha such happy fun times. then got ready to leave for velocity to meet kialiang geof isaac yf joash jul for dinner at ichiban sushi (totally not surprise birthday dinner for kia). met linus and amos and family there too. had a great time over dinner and after that at udders eating exquisite ice cream haha. when we started chatting about random stuff, i remembered how much fun my choir friends are and why i enjoy hanging out with them so much. apparently i'd forgotten how happy such outings could be or used to be. and with them, somehow i can just speak my mind without any inhibitions whatsoever, and rant and laugh and joke and be sarcastic and laugh some more and just have fun. so we really had a nice time telling stories and laughing at things/people/joash, and of course stuffing ourselves with sumptuous food. finally left when it was almost 11pm. went back to bishan with yf and got home, and now i'm blogging. still have a few things to finish before booking in tmr sianz. meeting my favourite class for lunch at clarke quay tmr, then having farewell dinner with crystal and gang before booking in.

sidetrack: in the train on the way home with cheuk yiu and wayne, we somehow started talking about double eyelids and how wayne has a 'punch my face' face and cheuks has a 'choke slam me' face, then cheuks said something about me having a face that screams out that i want to be loved. something along these lines. perceptive indeed. and i wondered if there's more than a little truth in his words.

meanwhile, i'm going to try my best to make my groups's PAR for attachment to STC look decent compared to melvin's group's ppt. bye!

whizzer; 11:36:00 pm